And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
