I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
