i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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