11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
