11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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