I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
