I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the condom got lost in my hair
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
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I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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