He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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