Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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