I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
