guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
