I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
