Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How's work?
Spinning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
