I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
