2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
