somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
love makes seman taste better
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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