i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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