she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Will exercising make me less horny?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
