whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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