oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
