Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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