Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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