i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
