i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
