we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
