Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
