You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
