speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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