My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
