My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
