Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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