My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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