Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
