dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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