Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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