I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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