I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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