it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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