So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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