The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
