There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
