I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
