Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
