We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
