508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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