so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
