I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
