My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i think we sleep fucked last night...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
