That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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