How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
