i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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