dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
