i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize