i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
