Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
