I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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