The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you cant smoke seaweed
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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