Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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