Pappa wants mamma naked
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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