the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
