Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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