Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize