How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he just fucked me for my cheese..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
