The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
