will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
