You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
