there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
