I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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