SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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