OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
