we're chasing vodka with high fives
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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