you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
