so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
