I got her a Nickelback box set.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize