I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
