So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
