plz talk dirty to me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
