I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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